Hitler’s Secret Weapon

AdolfHitler has signed on.

DrSteinitz has signed on.


DrSteinitz: Mein Führer?

DrSteinitz: Mein Führer, are you there?

DrSteinitz: Type into sie keypad, bitte.

AdolfHitler: Hallo.

DrSteinitz: Ah! It works! Guten Tag, Mein Führer.

AdolfHitler: Was is das?

DrSteinitz: You wanted to know what we have been working on in our research laboratory. This is a demonstration of our latest development.

AdolfHitler: Can you read what I am typing?

DrSteinitz: Ja! We are having a conversation now. This is our secret weapon to win sie war, Mein Führer.

DrSteinitz: YOUR secret weapon.

AdolfHitler: Interesting.

DrSteinitz: It allows us to send messages instantly to each other over a communication network.

AdolfHitler: Communication network? You mean like a series of tubes?

DrSteinitz: Yes. If you wish.

DrSteinitz: What do you think?

AdolfHitler: Nein, we already have Morse code.

DrSteinitz: Ja, but this is much faster.

DrSteinitz: Und can Morse code do this? :)

AdolfHitler: How did you do that?

DrSteinitz: You like that? Das ist a little smiley face. We even made it look like der Führer mit der little mustache, ja?

AdolfHitler: Ja, das ist gut.

DrSteinitz: One of our engineers thought of it when he discovered that when you type in a colon and a right parenthesis it looks like a little smiley face lying on its side.

DrSteinitz: He is one of our brightest engineers.

AdolfHitler: It looks just like me. Except for the smiling.

DrSteinitz: We can remove the smile if you wish, Mein Führer.

AdolfHitler: How will this win sie war for Deutschland?

DrSteinitz: This new weapon allows our military to communicate more quickly on sie field, ja? Enemy coordinates, attack orders… all can be sent instantly.

DrSteinitz: This technology ist decades ahead of our enemies, Mein Führer.

Heydrich has signed on.

Heydrich: Hallo.

DrSteinitz: Ah, hallo! Reinhard Heydrich has joined us to demonstrate the integrated conference feature!

AdolfHitler: Hallo, Reinhard. Can you see what I am typing?

Heydrich: Ja, Mein Führer.

AdolfHitler: :)

DrSteinitz: Das ist gut, Mein Führer!

Heydrich: Mein Führer, I bring you news. Our spies indicate that the Americans are working on a bomb based on nuclear fission. If successful, it will be capable of destroying entire cities.

AdolfHitler: Do we have anything like that in sie works, Steinitz?

AdolfHitler: Steinitz?

AdolfHitler: Steinitz, are you there?

DrSteinitz: Hold on, bitte.

DrSteinitz: Ja. I’m afraid we have no such bomb in sie works, Mein Führer. We have been busy beta testing new smiley faces.

AdolfHitler: Schweinhund! You will be dead by nightfall.

DrSteinitz: haha

DrSteinitz: It’s hard to tell when you’re joking over this machine.

DrSteinitz: When we joke in the lab, we use “/sarc” to signify a joke.

DrSteinitz: Mein Führer, are you there?

AdolfHitler has signed out.

DrSteinitz: Heydrich, ist der Führer mad?

Heydrich has signed out.

Categories: Satire
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