Grunt: The Latest In Micro-Micro-Media

Grunt FAQ

What is Grunt?

Grunt is an exciting new micro-blogging site, or what we like to call “micro-micro-blogging”.

Grunt is based on the idea that people’s attention spans are dwindling. We see that news stories have been replaced by soundbytes; proper grammar has been replaced by “lite speak”; and now blogging is quickly being replaced by micro-blogging, such as Twitter and Facebook statuses. In fact, you’re probably getting bored just reading this, aren’t you?

Grunt takes this a step further by providing even faster online interaction. Grunt member posts are limited to 5 characters only! Also no capital letters, punctuation, or special characters are allowed, as that would only slow down the stream. (Basically anything that requires pressing the shift key would threaten the flow of instant gratification.)

Here is an example of a typical thread on Grunt:

john123 sup
MarySmith nuthn
dominator dasky
john123 lol
brentitis obama
brentitis 4evah
dominator meh
john123 ugh
MarySmith palin
john123 rawr
dominator fail
john123 rotfl
Jenny8675309 idol
Jenny8675309 ontv
Jenny8675309 now
brentitis yeah
dominator pfft

If brevity is the soul of wit, then clearly Grunt is home to some of the wittiest commentary on the web today!

Can I post photos to Grunt?

No. It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words — that’s way too much information! We want to stay ahead of the social media curve, which means not taxing our members’ brains with such a complex message.

Let’s put it this way: every time your brain registers a complete thought, you risk missing out on several incomplete thoughts whizzing by you! You want to be left behind? There just isn’t time for coherence in today’s new media. But I’ve said too much already.

Can I access Grunt from my mobile phone?

Amazingly, yes! It may not seem like it, but Grunt’s interface is ideally suited for mobile phone texting, especially phones with truncated keypads and annoying auto-complete functionality. Did you accidentally enter “rolf” instead of “rotfl”? It doesn’t matter. This is Grunt!

Do I own the copyright to my grunts?

According to our terms of service, we own all intellectual property rights of anything you post to Grunt. Any member caught repeating the same five characters in another medium will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

What’s the future of Grunt?

We have high hopes for Grunt. Like YouTube and Twitter, Grunt hopes to influence and become part of the national dialogue. Posting an incisive “lol” or “meh” during a Grunt discussion on stem-cell research could reverberate throughout Washington, calling for social change on a grassroots level.

And as the buzz continues to grow, don’t be surprised to see famous celebrities showing up on your Grunt page! Joaquin Phoenix, Mickey Rourke and Bob Dylan are just a few of our famous Grunters!

WTF?

Now you’re getting it!

So don’t be like some backwoods hick out of touch with the world and banging your cousin. Join Grunt today!

Image adapted from kevindooley
Categories: Satire
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