Love Life Analytics

By Ryan Garns

Bloggers and web developers are adept at using Google Analytics to keep track of their website visitors. Unfortunately many of these same bloggers and developers are less adept at keeping track of their own love lives. Therefore it shouldn't be too long before the Oompa-Loompas at Google develop the following "Love Life Analytics" platform...

Top Pickup Sources
Source	Uses	% success
Applebee's	5,350	84.07%
Home Depot parking lot	1,073	63.25%
A.A. meetings	986	75.24%
craigslist	56	43.19%
huffingtonpost.com forums	37	56.09%
about this report This report shows your most popluar sources for picking up women. This is useful in determining where you should be spending most of your time meeting new people.

Top Keywords (Used During a Date)
Keyword	Uses	% positive response
uh huh	124,350	84.07%
friggin	98,621	56.32%
tequila	32	72.90%
rash	12	15.84%
biden	10	0.02%
about this report This report lists your most commonly used words on a date. This is useful in determining your vocabulary level and banter success.

Dating Demographic Overview

about this report This report displays the types of people you typically date. This is useful in determining your tastes and supplying marketing firms with more personal data about you.

Relationship Outcome Overview

about this report This report displays the most common outcomes of your romantic relationships. This is useful in determining how much of an asshole you are.

Sexual Encounters - Activity Overlay

about this report This report shows the areas you concentrate on most during a sexual encounter (or the areas you've been allowed to concentrate on). This is useful in determining your 1st-, 2nd- or 3rd-base success, as well as how well you "mix it up" with your partner.