Perez Hilton to Vet Supreme Court Pick

By Ryan Garns

President Obama is under pressure from gay activist groups to select a homosexual to replace the retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter. While as of this writing it's uncertain if Obama will heed this request, one decision has already been made: to invite understatedly gay blogger Perez Hilton on the Senate Judiciary Committee to help vet the new pick for "acceptable gayness".

"Homosexuality is a mystery to most of us in the Senate," says Majority Leader Harry Reid. "Unlike those flamers in the House of Representatives, most of us in the Senate lack a sufficient 'gaydar'. Perez Hilton will be a welcome addition to the committee."

Perez Hilton recently thrust himself into the orifice of media attention during the Miss USA 2009 pageant where, as a judge, he asked Miss California Carrie Prejean for her views on gay marriage. Since that time, Hilton has accomplished what many considered to be impossible: toppling Richard Simmons as the leading embarrassment for homosexuals everywhere.

President Obama has stated that "empathy" is an important virtue for a new Supreme Court Justice, and here Reid says Hilton is also ideally suited. "Everyone knows that homosexuals are more capable of empathy than the rest of us, with their roller coaster emotions and casual use of the word 'girlfriend'," says Reid. Click the video below for an example of Hilton's remarkable sense of empathy:

"Clearly, if Hilton can understand the problems of a pop singer with two children in such an emotional way, he can understand the problems of average American citizens," says Reid.

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