Cat Blogger Says Twitter is Beneath Her

By Ryan Garns

The Command Center of "The Mittens Chronicles".

Lorem Ipsum, author of the cat blog "The Mittens Chronicles", has announced that she will not be joining online juggernaut Twitter due to what she calls the social media site's "creative limitations."

"I know many bloggers use Twitter as a means of self-promotion, but I just refuse to be part of it," wrote Ipsum in a recent blog post. "The future of publishing funny cat antics online is bright, and I just don't see Twitter being a part of that business model."

Ipsum, 38, who lives alone with 10 cats (all named Mittens), is part of a growing number of bloggers who have the courage to speak out unsolicitedly against things no one gives a shit about.

"[Twitter] is just so... insipid. It's comprised solely of narcissistic idiots who think the world is fascinated by their mundane lives."

So what are Ipsum's plans for promoting "The Mittens Chronicles" in lieu of Twitter?

"I just hired an SEO expert for $3,500 per month to reinvent TMC. We're also going to provide a toolbar for Firefox that pushes to our readers real-time updates... of Mittens. This site is going to be soooo Web 2.0!"

When asked what "Web 2.0" means exactly, Ipsum replied, "It means it's gonna blow your fucking mind, plebeian!"

From The Mittens Chonicles: Live 24/7 web cam of Mittens' litter box...