July 7, 2008

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Controversies For a Slow News Day

Muslim groups are decrying an oversight by Microsoft regarding the Qur'an, the religious book of Islam. They claim that typing "Qur'an" into Microsoft Word yields the dreaded red squiggly line that signifies Microsoft does not recognize the word you typed. "May Microsoft die a thousand deaths for this insult," says Rashid bin Muhammad bin 'Awad bin Sifal bin Fariq bin Abbud bin Jamal Al Din...

Religious groups are accusing Amazon.com of promoting an atheist agenda. According to critics, typing the word "God" into a book search on Amazon will result in several books written by atheists such as Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens. "It's a well-known fact that Amazon is run by liberal extremists," says George Georgeson, a conservative extremist. "When I search for God on Amazon, I expect to get pro-God results. If I wanted to read atheistic trash, I would have typed in 'send me to eternal damnation'..."

The North American Meat-Bad Association, a vegan and vegetarian advocacy group, are protesting the porn movie industry claiming that scenes of oral sex are a subliminal attack on vegetarianism. "These scenes are clearly an attempt to encourage people to develop a taste for meat," says Jeff Jeffries, a member of NAMBA. "And let's face it: after you've had one of those in your mouth, a Bacon Beef 'n Cheddar doesn't look so bad..."

Various environmental groups are coming out against those who prefer the over hang method of dispensing their toilet paper, claiming that the method is more harmful to the environment than those who hang their rolls under. "By using the over hang method, you're more likely to tear off an unnecessary extra inch or so of toilet paper than you would with the under hang method. Those extra inches of wasted toilet paper add up over time creating a huge carbon footprint..."

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