July 13, 2009 |
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Hire Me to Revamp the Stimulus Website!
Here's an ABC News video that recently caught my attention. Their main focus was how the government is wasting taxpayers' money on road signs promoting stimulus projects -- up to $3,000 per sign. But the thing that really piqued my interest comes at the very end where Jonathan Karl says the government is spending $18 million to revamp the stimulus website, Recovery.gov.
That's right. $18 million.
For a website.
Like the thing you're looking at right now.
I build websites for a living. I know how much they cost. And I can honestly say that $18 million is waaay too high for a website rebuild.
I can do it for $15 million.
That's right, $15 million. For politicans like Nancy Pelosi who aren't good at math, that's $3 million in savings! Just think of what you could do with an extra $3 million, Nancy. You could use Air Force One as your personal commuter plane 50 times! Or you could buy some eyelids! The choices are endless!
My offer is in earnest, Uncle Sam. Let me rebuild the stimulus website for you. Please look over the following estimate I've prepared. I think you'll find it reasonable and cost-effective...
| Item | Cost |
|---|---|
| Domain renewal (per year) | $11.00 |
| Hosting (Dedicated Server) (per month) | $350.00 |
| Standard web development provisions (Red Bull, Mountain Dew, fully-stocked wet bar, cocaine, mescaline, lobster, prime rib, and Funyuns) | $150,000.00 |
| Purchase PerezHilton.com as a redirect to Recovery.gov. (This will increase traffic enormously!) | $2,800,000.00 |
| Plastic protector for laptop to prevent water damage while coding in a 5-person Jacuzzi | $30.00 |
| 5-person Jacuzzi (to validate the cost of the plastic protector) | $13,000.00 |
| 5-bedroom Malibu home (to validate the cost of 5-person Jacuzzi and plastic protector) | $7,000,000.00 |
| Porn star Tera Patrick to provide me with hourly "massages" to stave off carpal tunnel syndrome | $5,000,000.00 |
| A "Project Funded by The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act" road sign to place outside my Malibu home while I get handjobs from Tera Patrick in a Jacuzzi and work on the website | $3,000.00 |
| TOTAL ESTIMATED COST (APPROXIMATE) | $15,000,000.00 |
There you have it: a lean-and-mean estimate for $15 million. I think it's obvious those web developers who quoted you $18 million were just trying to rip you off. And given President Obama's pledge of "responsible" stimulus spending, I think a $15 million price tag will sit better with the American people than $18 million.
I eagerly await your response.
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