Palinmania!

By Ryan Garns

(An average American turns on the television.)
Chris Matthews:	Tonight on Hardball: Governor Sarah Palin. Who is she? Where did she come from? What's with her hair? What's with my hair? Does she relate to women? Do I relate to women? Why am I talking about her in such a loud voice? Let's play Hardball...
(Changes the channel. A football game.)
Al Michaels:	Manning is set to pass and is quickly sacked by Alex Brown for a loss. And John, Peyton's gotta be thinking, "Where the heck did he come from?"
John Madden:	Yeah, Brown just caught Manning looking the other way and pulled a Sarah Palin on him.
(Changes the channel. An infomercial.)
Announcer:	And if you order now, we'll send you the George Foreman Grill complete with the new Sarah Palin moose frying attachment absolutely free! It's the perfect non-stick, self-cleaning, retractable-for-easy-storage cooking time-saver for the rustic woman on-the-go!
(A perky woman with a Palin hairdo and eyeglasses bites into a burger.)
Woman:	Mmmm... now that's good moose!
(Changes the channel. A Latino soap opera. A woman slaps a man.)
Latino Woman:	¡Ha terminado, Juan! ¡Le y me acaban! ¡Sé todos sobre su asunto con Sarah Palin!
(Changes the channel. Bill O'Reilly in mid-interview.)
Bill O'Reilly:	--But don't you think, Senator... uh... I'm sorry, what was your name again?
Senator:	John McCain.