Angry Blog Comments: A Literal Response

Wait, are you saying that I SHOULDN'T eat Irish babies?
You have lost a fan, sir.

I guess I should be happy that when I wrote "Reduce Your Carbon Footprint: Don't Breed!" last year, a much less erudite satire than yours, I didn't have any readers yet.

Kudos to you for drawing fire. Stupidity just makes satire sweeter.

You are defining life in a biological sense and your complainers are seeing it in a metaphysical sense -- which is why you are tossing bon mots past each other.

If an object is able to cell divide, it is a living organism. Among the metaphysicians, however; this is not enough. The object must also be able to sustain a meaningful life.

Masturbation is certainly a sign of biological AND metaphysical life. Without orgasm, life would be pointless, if not meaningless. This is why Eskimo Philosophers advocate tossing grandma out into the snow. She no come she must go.

The fact that no one has ever seen an embryo masturbate should not be a barrier to metaphysical belief as most of them consider empirical evidence to be extraneous. Showing them a cartoon should be enough.

Well, my dear fellow, you certainly have learned a hard lesson i.e., satire is serious business. I'm sure that were Mr. Swift still with us he would but you a stiff one and drink to that.

I fear that you have come to a fork in the road where you must now decide whether to 1) retreat into sophomoric fizzy stuff so obvious a caveman can get it or 2) toil on in the trenches of esoterica, discovering odd connections that put homo sapiens uncomfortably in their place, from time to time.

Should you choose option No. 2, I can almost certainly guarantee that you will be wildly misconstrued by the masses and repeatedly taken to task for not being a "regular guy." (which doesn't usually translate into lots of traffic).

The majority of men will routinely threaten you with painfully unnatural sex acts, (which seem to be their weapon of choice, lately) as we have seen amply demonstrated here.

Aside from that, the only readers who will truly appreciate and support your (if I may say so) prodigious talent will be a queer collection of dingbats, oddballs and misfits who, themselves, are in daily anal peril.

I anxiously await and will watch here for evidence of your decision.

Warmest Regards,

Frumpzilla

Thanks, Frumpzilla. Although you forgot a 3rd option: do BOTH the sophomoric and esoteric. This approach is more my style, but it also makes traffic building difficult.

Isn't it funny how liberals are pro-abortion and anti-death penalty, and right-wingers are anti-abortion and pro-death penalty?
If someone could help me out with an explanation, I'd be grateful.

Funny stuff, Garnzy. Although I hate the phrase "pro-abortion" (I'm going Garns-literal on my pal Tiggy here). No one is "pro-abortion" which means in favor of abortion on the face of it. That term is often used to replace "pro-choice" to make it sound more diabolical. A typical pro-life stance.

For what it's worth, I am pro-choice and pro-death penalty.

Throw in a Cleveland Steamer and I bet you'll have yourself a horse race!

Perfect response...very very funny. Saw you on the HBDC feed.

I eat aborted fetus's, blacks and jews to save the environment while duffing Hilary and screwing people without condoms.

I'm such a prick but I'm saving the planet!