Tag: activism

Tobacco Terror! An Awareness Play

A scene from the sketch comedy stage show Mondo Show produced in Los Angeles, California in 2000. Check out other Mondo Show videos.

Tammy Melyssa Peters
Tina Liesl Hetzke
Bobby Matt McCann
Doctor Reese Jake West
Little Old Lady Niki Magarity
Evil Smoker Forrest Harding
Tracheotomy Woman Monique Jones
M.C. Daddy Michael Patrick McGill

Written and Directed by Ryan Garns

Produced by Christine Rosenberry and Ryan Garns

“Word To The Smokas”
Performed by Michael Patrick McGill
Featuring Mara Hitner
Music by Ally Schoepel
Lyrics by Ryan Garns

Sound Engineering by Ally Schoepel

Original Video Production by WienerDog Productions

Gay Marriage Opponents Now Want Legal Definition of Christmas

Friendly Christmas tree lotOpponents of gay marriage who believe marriage should only apply to heterosexuals now wish to restrict access to another sacred institution: Christmas.

“Much like traditional marriage, the traditions of Christmas have been under assault for many years now,” says Brent Slabroller, leader of The Defense of Traditions Coalition. “In order to preserve those traditions, we’re calling for a constitutional amendment that defines Christmas as only for Christians.”

For years non-Christians have adopted the Christmas holiday as though it were their own. They decorate trees, exchange gifts, take paid time off from work — but none of them pay any tribute to Jesus Christ. Some of them don’t even go to church. Even more shocking, some of them are gay.

“Let’s be honest: these non-Christians don’t give a hoot about the true meaning of Christmas,” says Slabroller. “They just want to exploit it for the fringe benefits.”

Slabroller denied the charge that his organization is motivated by bigotry rather than the betterment of society.

“We’re not saying non-Christians can’t have a celebration of their own,” said Slabroller. “We’re just saying don’t call it Christmas. Call it ‘Pagan Day’. Call it ‘Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Celebrate-Christmas-But-Instead-I’m-A-Godless-Heathen’ Day. Instead of singing carols, you can go door-to-door reading Charles Darwin to each other. Or the Qur’an or Harry Potter or whatever else non-Christians like to read. I wouldn’t know.”

In other related news: a gay rights group is calling for a legal definition of Broadway musicals in order to keep out heterosexuals. More on this as it develops.

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Abortion: The Green-Friendly Option

Abortion T-shirt: 'Save The Earth, Abort a Child'

Abortion is all the rage as more and more people show their love of Mother Nature over motherhood.

A recent study claims there has been a dramatic rise in the number of abortions nationwide. Although jumps in the abortion rate usually coincide with the release of Ben Affleck movies, this time it appears to be tied to public anxiety about global warming. The study says people are concerned about reports that overpopulation, obesity, and other human behavior are adversely affecting climate change. As a result, more and more people are seeing abortion as the best, most direct way to save the planet.

“I was, like, skeptical at first about getting an abortion,” says Sara, a 22 year old artistic dancer from Las Vegas. “I thought, like, ‘Would I regret it later? Maybe I shouldn’t.’ But then my friend Gina — who is, like, so smart because she gets angry at everything — she’s all, ‘dadadada,’ and she told me, like, how much I would be poisoning the planet by having a baby. And I was all, ‘Screw you, Big Oil. I’m getting an abortion!'”

“Sara’s bitchy friend Gina makes a valid point,” says Steven Carlson, a climatologist and contributor to Oppressive Statistics Monthly. “When you calculate the total amount of greenhouse gases that a human being produces during a lifetime of electricity use, gas consumption, waste, exercise, belching, farting, defecating, breathing, dying and decomposing, and the likelihood they’ll produce more human beings who belch, fart, breathe, etc., it’s clear that an abortion can have a far more positive impact on the environment than even Leonardo DiCaprio.”

As going green becomes more popular, the possibility of stricter legislation to control greenhouse emissions also has some would-be mothers considering abortion. As Mary from Indiana puts it, “I’m pregnant with triplets. I’d hate to think what I’d have to pay in carbon credits.”

Meanwhile abortion clinics are taking advantage of this trend with special offers and promotions to allure eco-minded customers. One clinic in San Francisco offers women a membership card to track return visits — for every 10 abortions, they plant a tree. Another clinic in Seattle even changed its name to something more appealing to the green crowd: An Inconvenient Pregnancy.

Despite these trends, skeptics continue to question whether or not mankind is responsible for global warming in the first place. But many climatologists and abortion doctors agree: Yes, they are. Now shut up.

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